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The film opens with a [[Sparta]]n elder inspecting an ugly, talking baby (an ogre from ''[[Shrek the Third]]''); it is abandoned to die for its deformity. A second baby, who is Vietnamese, is adopted by [[Brad Pitt]] and [[Angelina Jolie]]. Baby [[Leonidas]] is then inspected, having a six-pack, biceps and beard from birth. He is accepted as a Spartan and prepared for kinghood through his childhood training, from fighting his grandmother to enduring torture (a la [[Casino Royale (2006 film)|Casino Royale]]). Leonidas ([[Sean Maguire]]) is then cast out into the wild, and survives the harsh winter and a [[Gangsta rap|gangsta]] [[penguin]] ([[Happy Feet]]). Returning a king for his [[inauguration]] wearing a penguin skin hat, Leonidas sees [[Gorgo, Queen of Sparta|Margo]] ([[Carmen Electra]]) erotically dancing and asks her to marry him, to which she responds by giving him the combination to her [[chastity belt]]. |
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They eat Cake!!!!The film opens with a [[Sparta]]n elder inspecting an ugly, talking baby (an ogre from ''[[Shrek the Third]]''); it is abandoned to die for its deformity. A second baby, who is Vietnamese, is adopted by [[Brad Pitt]] and [[Angelina Jolie]]. Baby [[Leonidas]] is then inspected, having a six-pack, biceps and beard from birth. He is accepted as a Spartan and prepared for kinghood through his childhood training, from fighting his grandmother to enduring torture (a la [[Casino Royale (2006 film)|Casino Royale]]). Leonidas ([[Sean Maguire]]) is then cast out into the wild, and survives the harsh winter and a [[Gangsta rap|gangsta]] [[penguin]] ([[Happy Feet]]). Returning a king for his [[inauguration]] wearing a penguin skin hat, Leonidas sees [[Gorgo, Queen of Sparta|Margo]] ([[Carmen Electra]]) erotically dancing and asks her to marry him, to which she responds by giving him the combination to her [[chastity belt]]. |
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Years later, Leonidas is [[Child abuse|training]] his son when Captain ([[Kevin Sorbo]]) informs him that a Persian messenger has arrived. Accompanied by the Spartan politician Traitoro, the messenger has come to present [[Xerxes I of Persia|Xerxes]]' demands for Sparta's submission. Leonidas arrives to greet the messenger in the Spartan way (high-fives for the women and open mouth tongue kisses for the men). After growing angry with both the messenger's disrespect and finding him making out with his wife, Leonidas kicks him into the '[[Enchanted (film)|pit of death]]'. Despite "Traitoro's" advice that the messenger's guards are now needed to convey the actual message, Leonidas kicks them in as well. Afterwards, he dumps in several other people he simply dislikes, including [[Britney Spears]] ([[Nicole Parker]]), [[Sanjaya Malakar]] and the judges for ''[[American Idol]]'' before having [[Ryan Seacrest]] fling himself in. Resolving to face the [[Persia]]ns, Leonidas visits the [[Oracle]], for any advice. The Oracle, [[Ugly Betty]], reveals that Leonidas will die should he go to war. After reaching a decision while spending the night with his wife, Leonidas meets the soldiers assembled for his departure to [[Thermopylae]], and finds that only 13 (not 300) were accepted in the army, since there were stringent specifications to be accepted— "Hunky with deep Mediterranean tans, hot bods, and [[well-endowed]]". Three among them include Captain, his son, Sonio, and a slightly unfit Spartan named Dilio, who, as the Captain states, "Has a lot of heart...and nice [[man boobs]]." Once at the Hot Gates, they encounter the deformed [[Paris Hilton]] (also played by Parker), who tells Leonidas and the Captain about a secret goat path above the Hot Gates that Xerxes could use to outflank the Spartans. When she asks to be made a Spartan soldier, Leonidas rejects her as unqualified due to her inability to use a spear correctly. Leonidas and his platoon soon face off with Xerxes' messenger and his Immortals, beating them in a [[Stomp the Yard|dance contest]] before driving them off a cliff. Xerxes ([[Ken Davitian]]), who, is described as, "sort of looked like that fat guy from ''[[Borat]]''", impressed, personally approaches Leonidas and attempts to [[Deal or No Deal (U.S. game show)|bribe him]]. The Spartan king declines, saying that he will instead make him fall. The Spartans then face the [[Persia]]n army in a "[[Mother insult|Yo Momma]]" fight. The Spartans end with a victory, in spite of Dilio having his eyes scratched out. |
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Years later, Leonidas is [[Child abuse|training]] his son when Captain ([[Kevin Sorbo]]) informs him that a Persian messenger has arrived. Accompanied by the Spartan politician Traitoro, the messenger has come to present [[Xerxes I of Persia|Xerxes]]' demands for Sparta's submission. Leonidas arrives to greet the messenger in the Spartan way (high-fives for the women and open mouth tongue kisses for the men). After growing angry with both the messenger's disrespect and finding him making out with his wife, Leonidas kicks him into the '[[Enchanted (film)|pit of death]]'. Despite "Traitoro's" advice that the messenger's guards are now needed to convey the actual message, Leonidas kicks them in as well. Afterwards, he dumps in several other people he simply dislikes, including [[Britney Spears]] ([[Nicole Parker]]), [[Sanjaya Malakar]] and the judges for ''[[American Idol]]'' before having [[Ryan Seacrest]] fling himself in. Resolving to face the [[Persia]]ns, Leonidas visits the [[Oracle]], for any advice. The Oracle, [[Ugly Betty]], reveals that Leonidas will die should he go to war. After reaching a decision while spending the night with his wife, Leonidas meets the soldiers assembled for his departure to [[Thermopylae]], and finds that only 13 (not 300) were accepted in the army, since there were stringent specifications to be accepted— "Hunky with deep Mediterranean tans, hot bods, and [[well-endowed]]". Three among them include Captain, his son, Sonio, and a slightly unfit Spartan named Dilio, who, as the Captain states, "Has a lot of heart...and nice [[man boobs]]." Once at the Hot Gates, they encounter the deformed [[Paris Hilton]] (also played by Parker), who tells Leonidas and the Captain about a secret goat path above the Hot Gates that Xerxes could use to outflank the Spartans. When she asks to be made a Spartan soldier, Leonidas rejects her as unqualified due to her inability to use a spear correctly. Leonidas and his platoon soon face off with Xerxes' messenger and his Immortals, beating them in a [[Stomp the Yard|dance contest]] before driving them off a cliff. Xerxes ([[Ken Davitian]]), who, is described as, "sort of looked like that fat guy from ''[[Borat]]''", impressed, personally approaches Leonidas and attempts to [[Deal or No Deal (U.S. game show)|bribe him]]. The Spartan king declines, saying that he will instead make him fall. The Spartans then face the [[Persia]]n army in a "[[Mother insult|Yo Momma]]" fight. The Spartans end with a victory, in spite of Dilio having his eyes scratched out. |
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